The Broken Road

To love means being vulnerable.  I don’t know about you, but I never have liked that word….vulnerable. Webster defines “vulnerable’ as that which can be wounded or injured. It means being weak, defenseless, helpless, at risk, powerless, exposed, feeble. There is absolutely nothing enticing about the word vulnerable. I must admit, over the span of my life, this is an area of which I have had a problem with. You wouldn’t “think” that anyone should even WANT to be vulnerable….for cryin’ out loud….look at what it means. From my perspective and rationale, it means setting yourself up to get hurt. In the past I have had a tendency to keep the vulnerability in my life to a minimum.  And when I have allowed it to enter in, I have always been sure to keep some walls up around it….”just in case”.  All it takes is being burned one time. One broken heart and instantaneously the walls of steel are built.  For every person you let in to your life, you are taking a chance on getting hurt. Relationships of all kinds: friendships, marriages, parent/child, coworkers, fellow church members, siblings, dating relationships. Any time you are in any kind of relational fellowship with a human being, you are taking a chance on getting your heart broken.

I have yet to meet anyone who hasn’t experienced the pain of a broken heart. This is one area of life where virtually everyone can relate to, and when we come across someone who is currently going through it….we cannot only see their pain, we can feel their pain.  It takes us back to those dark days in our lives where being vulnerable became our biggest nightmare. You know, those days where it feels like your entire chest cavity was sawed open, only to expose to the world what was left of your aching heart. The heart literally is the only organ that can function even when it’s broken. Don’t ask me how, because having your heart broken feels like death.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but I don’t like feeling like death. For those who know me, know that I am not real fun to be around when I’m internally miserable. I have always been a “hurry up and get over it” person. Many people are not like that, BUT after my last break up a couple months ago, I realized why I’ve always been insistent on quick internal recovery. Because I DON’T LIKE THE WAY IT FEELS!!  I cannot stand the THOUGHT of another human being, being able to steal my peace and joy. This is the ONLY life I’ve got. I only have ONE shot at it. I can’t live in misery because one person didn’t see my value and my worth. And the sooner I deal with it, the faster that feeling will go away!  I opened myself up. I had allowed myself to be more vulnerable than….maybe EVER. And OUCH!! Not only was it a shock, but it sure hurt like hades J Then, I got ticked off. I drove a couple of people in my life absolutely CRAZY asking them to pray for me because it was literally making me nuts. 

It by far wasn’t the first time I had been hurt, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. I think everyone goes through the same feelings when it comes to dealing with affairs of the heart. PROFOUND love….involves reciprocity. The lack of, is painful. The biggest blow is the feeling of rejection. When someone we love walks away from us, we take it as personal rejection. We feel they have rejected us for “who we really are”.  Our self worth plummets to an all time low because the enemy sneaks in and tells us we aren’t worthy to be loved.  It’s a blow to our self esteem. It’s a blow to our pride. Our self image is damaged. It’s a raw pain. It can make you cry. It can make you scream. It can make you have feelings of rage (and sometimes feelings of retaliation! Ha!). It can make you feel like you are losing your mind. It can affect your sleep and overall health. And to lay it all out on the table, it made me feel like I could have punched someone. Ha! Just sayin’….J

A broken heart sucks, BUT, it has to be dealt with. There are way too many other important areas of our lives that will be affected if we don’t. Our personal health (blood pressure, heart problems, depression, etc.). It can majorly affect our families. Parents….you need to deal with it because your children are learning how to handle relationships based on how you are handling yours. If they see that a past relationship has you living a fearful, bitter, angry life, afraid to love, afraid to commit, afraid of getting hurt again….trust me, they are holding on to every ounce of FEAR that YOUR life is projecting. Every negative thing you say about the person who hurt you, is not only keeping YOU BOUND (because they are on your mind and coming out of your mouth way too much), but it is binding up your children as well. I’m not a parent, but I am a child of divorced parents. Watch what you say, because the power of life or death is in the tongue. Your children, no matter how old they are, are watching you and holding on to every word you say. You are either teaching them how to love (yes, even the unlovable) or you are teaching them how to hate. And ultimately YOU are responsible for your children. Sometimes it’s hard to tell how children are taking it because they have a tendency to hide the pain.  They often have feelings of being torn and having to “choose” between parents. But it will eventually come out when they get into relationships, get married, and have children of their own. Don’t wreck someone else’s life because someone hurt you. Remember….it’s NOT what happens to us in life that kills us, it’s how we react to it. I’m not saying it is easy, but the choices you make….don’t just affect you. It has a domino effect. In addition, it can affect your job. And you’re not careful, it can affect your relationship with God. I know I was having people pray for me because I couldn’t hardly push past the pain to pray! Talk about frustrating! I wasn’t married of course, so my personal allotted time to recover was 2 weeks. Ha! That didn’t happen. It took me right at four weeks and I was MAD about it! That was just way too long for anyone to have that kind of control in my life. And ultimately, if you don't find it within you to overcome it, it can quench the desires of your heart.

The fourth week I was just beside myself. I finally had gotten to the point (week 2 1/2ish) to where I could pray. And I mean I did nothing BUT pray. I didn’t want to feel like that anymore. I confided in one of my spiritual mentors about the trouble I was having getting over it. I was reading her email and she had mentioned that she would pray that any spiritual or emotional soul ties were broken! It FINALLY clicked! I was BOUND to this person. I don’t need to tell you…this was the beginning of the end! I found every prayer I could on breaking soul ties and absolutely prayed one night for about 4-5 HOURS until those feelings were completely gone. Ahhhh, the relief to wake up the next morning (JOY comes in the morning) to joy, laughter, peace, happiness….AND the ability to move on with my life and never look back on that chapter of my life. It was officially closed.  

I learned a lot. I learned that when someone tells you they love you, but they leave you….the problem is within their own heart. Most of the time, it doesn’t take long to see that (and not that we don’t have things about us that need to be changed).  I learned to embrace the pain and learn from it. From Christ’s perspective, there’s always purpose in the pain. It’s unfortunate, but it does give us the opportunity to look inside ourselves, to grow, to change, and to give us a better understanding of who we really are. I learned that dwelling on the “why’s”, the “what if’s”, and the “if only’s” just intensifies the misery. I learned that pain and grief sometimes is the price we pay for caring. I learned that our past is not a determinant of our future, unless we allow it to be. I learned that the past only has significance according to the value we put on it….and to change our future we have to put a new value on it.  I learned how dominant thoughts are extremely powerful. We will never rise above the self image we have of ourselves in our heart (which is key in changing ANY area of our lives).  I learned that our past prepares us for the future. I learned that there is no substitute for time (and for most people may take longer than four weeks..ha! I’m just DETERMINED!! Hee). Time, coupled with consistent prayer and sufficient time with God, will allow you to (in a healthy way) work through the loneliness, the betrayal, the fear, the disappointment, and the rejection. Time will open your heart again (IF you allow it to).  I learned that often times, rejection is God’s protection. And I learned….you have to hurt before you can heal ♥

Did I like it? No. Would I do it all over again? Yes. Why? Because it put me in a place where I knew I NEEDED God. The last month and a half I have had the most wild, crazy, awesome, mind blowing times with God!! I can’t begin to tell you everything…that would take at least another 10 pages. Lol  I know one thing is for certain, if no one EVER EVER EVER loves me again….MY GOD LOVES ME and ultimately that is ALL that matters.  Will this keep me from risking love again? Nope. It may hurt sometimes, but there is nothing like the feeling of love ♥  No matter how long or how short, I’m thankful there have been times in my life where I have had the opportunity to experience it ♥

One more thing I learned along the broken road. Although I got my heart broken by someone else, I also ended up breaking my own heart. Sounds crazy (which I am….God doesn’t call the qualified, He calls the crazy. Hee).  I had a moment during my prayer time during week four where I had pictured Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane where his soul was overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. I pictured Him pleading with God to “take this cup from Me.” I pictured Him praying so hard that his sweat was like drops of blood. I pictured the Roman soldiers arresting Him. I pictured Him being spit at, blindfolded, and punched repeatedly. I pictured the crown of thorns being shoved deep into His scalp. I pictured His beard being plucked out. I pictured Him being pounded on the head with a staff. I pictured Him being flogged with a cat of nine tails until his back lay completely open and bleeding. I pictured Him carrying that heavy cross until He just couldn’t physically carry it anymore. I pictured Him being nailed to the cross and lifted in the air to be mocked. And then I heard Him on the cross saying, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing.”   Jesus Christ experienced the ultimate in rejection, betrayal, and loneliness….FOR ME.  Who am I to not forgive? Who am I to not experience the same thing?  Did I react like Jesus? No. Not at first. I started thinking of how Jesus must feel at times, knowing that He suffered all of that for us, but so many times we even still reject, betray, use, and disappoint Him….but He loves us anyway.  It’s times like these where I understand what vulnerability is all about. I’m still learning, but I’m being broken. The walls are coming down layer by layer.  I’m learning what it means to be vulnerable. Because in my most vulnerable times, I’ve come to know the love of Christ in ways I didn’t know existed ♥  Embrace the painful times and know….Jesus is right there with you ♥ He feels your pain, literally ♥

Deliverance from Reason

Within the mix of my Saturday night mind, the Lord hit me with a few different concerns about the lives of His followers. Obedience was one of them. I was going to make an attempt to write about it myself when I remembered a book I had read several years back called "Spiritual Authority" by Watchman Nee. In one chapter he talks about the manifestations of man's rebellion, "reason" being one of them. And it hit me how much our "reasoning" stands in the way of our obedience. There is so much meat in this book that it was hard to pick out just a taste (so get it and read it for yourself!)....but, for the sake of trying to keep it brief, and since I am the one having to type it, this section is the one that hit home with me (personally) the most:

Following the Lord Demands Deliverance from Reason

            It is very true that we need to have the eyes of our reason put out in order to follow the Lord. What governs our lives? Is it reason or authority? When one is enlightened by the Lord he will be blinded by the light, and his reason will be cast aside. Paul turned blind under the great light on the road to Damascus; no longer did he hold onto his own reason. Moses never had his eyes put out nevertheless he acted as if he were blind. He had his arguments and his reasons, but in obedience to God he lived above reason. Those under the authority of God do not live by sight. The servants of God must be delivered from the life of reason. Reason is the FIRST cause of rebellion; hence there can be no control over our words unless reason is thoroughly dealt with first. Unless one is delivered by the Lord from the bondage of reason, sooner or later he will utter slanderous words.

            It sounds easy to talk about deliverance from the life of reason. But as rational beings how can we refrain from reasoning with God? It seems most difficult. We reason from childhood to adulthood, from our state as non-believers straight through until now. The basic principle of our life is reasoning. How then can we cease? To cease literally asks for the very life of our flesh! Hence there are two classes of Christians: those who live on the level of reason, and those who live on the level of authority.

            Let us ask ourselves, where do we live today? When God’s command comes to us, do we stop and consider the matter to see if there are sufficient reasons for us to do it? Oh! This is nothing but a manifestation of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. The fruit of that tree governs not only our personal affairs, even God’s appointed things have to pass through our reason and judgment. We think for God and decide what God should think. Without doubt this is the principle of Satan, for is it not that he desires to be equal with God? All who really know God obey Him without argument; then there is no possibility of mixing up reason with obedience. If anyone wishes to learn obedience he must cast aside reason. He must either live by God’s authority or live by human reason; it is absolutely impossible to live by both.

            The earthly life of the Lord Jesus was entirely above reason. What reason could there be for the disgrace, the lashing, and the crucifixion which He suffered? But He submitted Himself to God’s authority; He neither argued nor questioned; He only obeyed! To live under reason is so complicated! Consider the birds of the air and the lilies in the valley. How simply they live.  The more we are subject to authority the simpler our lives will be.

Man’s rebellion against authority is manifested in word, in reason, and in thought.

“I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD” – This is the reason.

The Condition of Your Heart

Over the last couple of weeks I have had a scripture keep ringing in my mind. 1 Samuel 16:7….”The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, BUT the Lord looks at the heart.”  Ok, you know we all clap and cheer and say “THAT’S RIGHT! GOOOOOO GOD!! It’s NOT what’s on the OUTSIDE that matters!”. I’ve said that more than once myself. Being a woman, especially in this day and age, is not the easiest undertaking. We are always being compared to other women by men. We are always being compared to other women by women. And we are always comparing ourselves to other women. Everywhere we look we see pictures of the “ideal” woman. The world’s obsession with “externals” have pushed women into lowering their life standards in hopes of being “seen”. But, truth be known, they have lowered their life standards because they have this distorted belief that if they get “noticed”, they will get “loved”. Wrong answer. What they will get is….used. I hear men ask all the time, “Women these days are a MESS! Where are all the good ones?!?”…now you know. When we push and force people to be something and someone they are not so they will fit the status quo, you end up with just exactly that….a mess. BUT, when we look at their HEART we see who they ARE (not their “representative” as a friend of mine calls it).  When we look at their HEART and see their giftings, talents, and abilities we can encourage them in those areas and pull out of them what maybe even they could never see themselves. When we love people for their HEART, externals take a backseat. They no longer matter as much. We miss out on a lot of friendships/relationships because of the externals. The “externals” don’t stop at looks either. We sometimes pick and choose who we let in our life by their size, race, and socio-economic status. Use me for instance. I have been looked down upon because I am a “receptionist” (get it right though….I’m the “Director of First Impressions” hee). I get looked down upon because I wait tables (but, I’m smart enough to know that even Jesus Christ came to serve and not be servedJ Stephen waited tables too). I get looked down upon because I don’t have a degree. I can go back to school if I want to. Only 6 more classes and I’d have my B.S. in IST from SIU.  I may or may not finish it. I may go a totally different direction. But I’m also smart enough to know that not ONE person outside of God can even remotely understand the calling on my life. That’s why He has called ME to it, and not them.  And while people are busy judging the silly externals of my life, I have a CRAZYYYYYY internal joy and peace that comes through righteousness which can only come through Christ J

So, all of that said….is it REALLY a “good” thing that God is looking at YOUR heart?  What is God seeing??  Nothing is hidden from God. No thought, no intention. He knows it all already. But, to KNOW that He is seeing the “real” you when He looks at your heart…..are you ok with WHAT your heart is revealing to Him about YOU?? Your heart holds a lot of truths. I have to be honest. I had to have a spiritual heart transplant.  I had to take the TRUTH of what was in my heart, open His word…and compare my heart to His. I am made in the image and likeness of Christ. Which means, not just my externals need to mirror Him (and, any fool can fake it), but my heart has to mirror His. And that came through lining my mind and attitude up with the word of God.

I started reading about David (starting in 1 Samuel 16). He was a man after God’s heart. My inquiring mind has spent the last 3 nights reading and re-reading about him. I want to be a woman after God’s own heart. I feel like I am. I feel like I’m on the right track. But, life circumstances sometimes bring about certain thoughts and feelings….and in the midst of it, that scripture kept popping up in my mind….”..but the Lord looks at the heart.” That’s when you start talking to yourself! “Ok Kerrie. What is God seeing in your heart that more than likely needs to be removed/adjusted??”  I can tell you, it didn’t take long to figure it out. I know what I think. I know what I feel. And I know what thoughts and feelings are not lining up with His word.  I am finding the quicker I am willing to ADMIT that I need to make changes, and then do it, the better I feel….and the closer I get to Him, and the more humble I become. Not to mention, for every change I make puts me one step closer to my destiny. It puts me one step closer to being in line with His will for my life. It frees my heart up to be able to receive blessings. It frees my heart up to love “well”.

David was very unique. He was a shepherd, a psalmist, a harpist, a king, a giant killer, a son-in-law, a captain. He had such God-confidence that people were jealous of him. He trusted God, not men. He was courageous. He was obedient. He learned to obey before he claimed to command. He always awaited God’s timing. He was an outcast because of Saul’s jealousy towards him. In his trials, he grew. He spared Saul’s life twice, even though Saul made numerous attempts to take his life. He brought up the people of God’s choice, not his own. He used every talent God had given him, to the glory of God. He was extremely humble. He sinned, and genuinely repented. His life exemplified what it means to be “loyal” to God. He brought about unity of a whole nation under his leadership.  He never forgot that God was who He said He was. He started right and committed every plan to God. But what stood out to me the most about David…..

He returned love for hate.

This is how you leave a legacy of what it means to be a man/woman after God’s own heart. Remember, God IS love. David returned God (love) to those who hated him. David allowed God to shine through him.

David is an example of what it means to love “well”. What is God seeing when He looks through your flesh and bones straight to the root of what REALLY matters to Him? The Bible is the only mirror we need to compare ourselves and our lives with. How well does your heart compare to God’s? What does the condition of your heart reveal to  God about you?

♥“Who am I, O Lord God, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? And as if this were not enough in your sight, O God, you have spoken about the future house of your servant. You have looked on me as though I were the most exalted of men, O Lord God.” (1 Chronicles 17:16-17) ♥

STOP! In the Name of Love ♥

Oh Lord. I don’t know where to start with this one. In size, this subject is about as wide and deep as the universe itself….and I don’t have a CLUE where I’m going with it. Love and relationship. It’s inevitable. We are relational beings. We were created to be in relationship with people. We were created to love. I’m going to be quite frank. At times I look around at people and the way they act in relationships (unmarried), the way married couples treat each other, and the way single people seem SO desperate to be in a relationship, and frankly….it makes me nauseous.  I know what you are thinking, “Kerrie, who do YOU think you are??! You are single, never been married, you’ve been in relationships that haven’t lasted, and you’re not even in a relationship now….you’re just jealous!”. No, that isn’t it at all. It saddens me. Trust me, it’s a strong desire of my heart, but I just don’t take love lightly. People have gotten SO far away from LOVE. The REAL meaning of love has gotten so twisted, distorted, and perverted that the majority of people mistake LUST, for love. They mistake the “newness” of a new relationship, for love. They get so caught up in the desperation of “having” to have someone and the FEAR of being alone that they run through men/women like nobody’s business. What is sad is when REAL love crosses someone’s path in this day and age, when REAL love looks a man or woman in the face TODAY….it looks fake. People automatically assume that person is putting on a show and that it won’t last forever (ok, so…get out of Egypt alreadyJ). You know why??  Because REAL love LOOKS to be too good to be true, but in Truth, it really IS….that good.

I am finding more and more that if we want to know how much love is willing to give, how far love is willing to go, how expensive love is….we must study the cross.  The Cross glorified God, and that is exactly what our relationship/marriage should do. Our relationships should always point us back to God. From a single perspective, if you are a Christ follower, you HAVE to have someone who is going in the SAME direction you are spiritually. Because I can guarantee (from experience) if you are not equally yoked, you will end up going in the direction they are instead of the direction God had intended for you to go. “Being” in a relationship is NOT worth getting out of the will of God for your life. Even more importantly, if you are a Christ follower, you should KNOW the meaning of “love”. You should know it isn’t just a “word” to be thrown around in the heat of the moment. You should know “love” isn’t just an emotion. You should know “love” isn’t just a 4-letter word.

I looked up the definition of the word “love”, and as expected I wasn’t satisfied with what I read. The closest word I found to even coming close was the word “infallible” meaning “incapable of error”, and that still to me is a watered down definition.  Just like the world and even many professing Christians have done, we have cheapened THE most POWERFUL WORD in all of creation. LOVE. The definition of LOVE is given to us in 1 John 4…..

God IS love.

We are to love like God loves (read all of 1 John 4). He IS the definition of love. How well do you love? How well do you love your husband? How well do you love your wife? How well do you love your children? How well do you love yourself? How well do you love your family? How well do you love your friends? How well do you love strangers? How well do you love people of another color? How well do you love the unlovable? How well do you love the righteous in Christ? How well do you love the unrighteous?  How well are you loving according to God’s standard of love?

GET THIS!!! Do you SEE WHY satan is attacking so many marriages, so many families, so many relationships?!?! Because even satan knows how POWERFUL love is….because God IS love. And he’s doing everything he can to get US to destroy it. And we are doing a pretty dang good job. The only thing we LOVE anymore….is ourselves. All we think about is OUR pleasure, OUR fulfillment, OUR satisfaction, OUR needs being met…the world is all about me, myself, and I.  The family (LOVE) was designed specifically BY GOD to represent HIS kingdom (here ON EARTH). And satan is trying to destroy it. Satan knows that wherever the kingdom is established, his power HAS TO come to an END. But instead of LOVING like we are instructed and called to love, we are in essence willingly pouring gasoline all over ourselves, lighting the match, and setting ourselves on fire. And then we sit and wonder what in the heck just happened.

I’m single, yes. Did I ever believe I would be 38 years old and never married? No. I usually have one of four reactions when people discover this. One, they instantly feel “sorry” for me (because THEY FEAR being alone. I’m never alone. God is always with me…and, He’s a husband to the husband less..so, in reality..my husband is better than yours. Ha!).  Two, they automatically think there is something “wrong” with me (I must have a ton of baggage or some secret spooky wooky quirky hidden deep dark secret that will eventually be revealed because….really, I am too good to be true. Lol)  Thirdly, OHHH…they know the “perfect person” for me J  Well, I assure them…I don’t know the perfect person for me, so I really doubt they do J  Most of the time I just ask a few questions about this “perfect person”….and 95% of the time (and that’s being generous. Lol)….I can tell by asking just a few questions if this perfect person and I are on the same page spiritually. I can tell in those few questions if God would be glorified by us getting together.  This is why I don’t date much. There are times when you can be on the same page spiritually and headed in the same direction, but for whatever reason you just don’t click. I am SO much different than a lot of people I know when it comes to dating. I don’t like to date just to date different people (or for a FREE meal  lol). I have friends who do and love it, and seem to have a good time doing it. I have even been criticized by other Christians for it claiming that I am not “living my life”.  I don’t see it that way. I see dating a bunch of different people who I know by asking a few questions that I have no business being with as a “waste of my life”.  Preferring to spend my Friday and/or Saturday night(s) alone with Jesus, definitely isn’t from my perspective a wasted life.

Let’s be real here. WHY do people date??? I mean SERIOUSLY?? Be real! Men (Christian and non-Christian)….FYI….if you have commitment issues, if you haven’t grown out of your player mentality, if you are there only to attempt to, pardon me….hit it and quit it (we are being REAL remember), if you “just don’t know what you want”….for the love of God….DON’T DATE!   I know that may sound harsh, totally unrealistic, and irrational to you. BUT…no matter what A WOMAN TELLS YOU…..she is on that date looking for her future husband. That FIRST DATE is exactly where you start messing with her heart, wooing her with everything she wants to hear because you know from experience what “can” happen when you tell a woman what she wants to hear. Women don’t date just to date like men do!  They are LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND. Honestly, I truly believe in my heart that there a TON of people who NEED to be single for an extended period of time. When we hop from relationship to relationship….we just keep taking that same ole’ stinkin’ garbage along with us every where we go and….garbage STINKS!  Get by yourself! Get alone with God! Ask Him to help STRIP YOU of all of the issues of the past that you keep packing around with you. The unforgiveness you are holding onto because somebody in the past wronged you will keep you from committing out of fear, will keep you from loving well, and can hinder your ability to receive the love that YOUR heart desires…and…

When we look at the cross, not only do we see the definition of Love, but we see commitment. God can only give love that lasts forever. We are to love like that. We aren’t supposed to play with people just to get what we want out of them. The cross is the foundation of so many things. It’s the foundation of what we are to build our life on top of (Christ crucified). It’s the foundation of Love (the most sacrificial kind). It’s the foundation of TRUE commitment. It’s the foundation of marriage (a lasting covenant with God). It’s the foundation of Honor. It’s the foundation of Respect. It’s the foundation of Admiration. It’s the foundation of Submission. It’s the foundation of Honesty. It’s the foundation of Purity.

You see, when I think about marriage for myself, I think of the cross. I know my marriage is to be such that it points to God. I know through my marriage God should be glorified to the world. In order to do that, my potential husband has to have the characteristics of my Father. If I look into his life and don’t see the cross, I won’t date him. Not even for a free meal J  Instead, I’ll spend my time at home alone preparing to be the wife God wants me to be. Because if I know God at all, I know that if I’m looking for my Father in a husband, my future husband will be looking for the Bride of Christ in me.

Relationship 101 according to the word of God (Ephesians 5:22-28)…

“WIVES, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

“HUSBANDS, LOVE your wives, JUST AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH and GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to LOVE their wives as their OWN bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

Women, when you learn to look at your husband through the same eyes you look at the cross with, the words “submit to” that you so often resent (and misinterpret) will be (without force) replaced in your hearts with the word “LOVE”. You will see that a husband is not just ANY man. You will see him for the gift that he is. You will find that it is an HONOR to submit to such a man, as it is to submit to the Lord.

Men, when you learn to LOVE in the same way that Christ loved the church (a love that can ONLY be obtained through the cross), you will be the most loved, adored, admired, respected, cherished, and blessed man on the planet….by your wife.

Love blows my mind because it totally contradicts itself. Love can feel SO good, yet it can hurt SO bad. Song of Songs says “for love is as strong as death”. I am of the opinion that we are in a time where we feel the sting of love much more than we feel the joy in love because we are careless with it. We don’t take it seriously and we don’t think love through (to the cross) before we act upon it, and that only leads to pain. STOP settling…and in the Name of Love….go for the gold ♥

….”Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” ♥

Friday Night Lights :)

Have you ever stopped to think about how risky it is to be a coach? I was sitting here thinking about all the NFL teams who are (or were recently) looking for a new coach. The Raiders, Cowboys, 49’ers, Broncos, Browns, and Panthers to name a few. All of these coaches had at least one thing in common this season: despite their efforts, their best just wasn’t good enough….for someone. Their best wasn’t good enough for their fans. Their best wasn’t good enough for their team. Their best wasn’t good enough for the owner of their organization. And, ultimately, their best wasn’t good enough to keep their job. This particular season their best seemed to call in the Donald Trump of the NFL to walk in, point the finger, look them in the eye, only to bless them with those words, “YOU’RE FIRED!”

Hey, trust me, I get it. I’m a fan myself. Changes need to be made when the desired results aren’t being achieved. But, then I got to thinking.  Why is it that one team can be so ready to kick the coach out the door, while another team can’t wait to pick him up?! It made me dig a little deeper into the actual responsibilities of a coach. First of all, we hold the coach to a higher standard of excellence because we consider him (or her..but we are going to use “him” just because I want toJ) an “expert” in his field. We “trust” him, so to speak, to make ALL the RIGHT decisions and take our team ALL THE WAY!!  We view them as experts in the areas of rules, strategies, and techniques….and play (and player) calling. And technically, by experience they are experts (and if you look at their paychecks you’ll see that somebody REALLY does believe it! Ha!). But ultimately, coaches prepare athletes for competition. They spend their lives dedicated to helping a team, individually and collectively, to play the game to the best of their ability.

In order for a team to exist, you have to have players. Therefore you would think that a coach would first pick out his team. Nope. When I think of a coach, the first thing I think of is strategy. Before a coach can even begin to choose the “right” players for the team….he has to map out his strategy. He has to be able to visualize where he IS right now and where he is GOING.  In order to do that, he will not only put into play his real life experiences with the game, but his knowledge of the sport as well. You can’t coach football if you don’t know how to play the game. A successful coach knows….there’s always more to learn. They educate themselves. They study the playbook. They surround themselves with people who ARE where they want to be. They learn from the best of the best. They watch the strategies of other coaches to identify possible tactics they can graft into their own to make it stronger. They learn from past mistakes they have made and from mistakes other coaches have made. In order to be a successful coach you have to be a risk taker. You have to have the guts to risk everything for the sake of your team. I must say, I have always admired coaches.

The vision is put into place. Now it’s time for the coach to pick the BEST players for the team. I’m going to tell you…..this isn’t always easy! It isn’t easy for a number of reasons, but mostly because as a coach trying to build a winning team….the team has to be balanced.  Take a look at the world around you and see how balanced it is as a whole, let alone trying to find balance in 53 men who are skilled enough to play in the NFL  The coach has to go and scout out prospective recruits himself and/or send out scouts to go watch players on other teams for him. BUT, whoever the coach sends out to help aid him in the scouting process must also have a DEEP understanding of his vision! The coach isn’t going to choose someone to go out looking for his championship team who isn’t knowledgeable, trustworthy, resourceful, dependable, viable,…..or 150% ON BOARD WITH HIS VISION FOR THE TEAM!! Which means a coach MUST have the ABILITY to ENROLL PEOPLE INTO HIS DREAM FOR THE TEAM! This is huge! He has to be able to express his vision clear enough to where it attracts the talent he NEEDS for that championship. He has to be able to recognize that talent in potential recruits. He has to be able to distinguish between those who may just be, by the luck of the draw, having a good season (in the music industry it’s known as a “one hit wonder” J) and those who truly have the athletic ability mixed with talent. And OH how hard it must be for a coach when they find someone who has it ALL athletically, but is completely VOID in the behavior department. You know the type. He’s the one who is always in a fight with someone whether it be the coach, fans, team mates, or opposing team. He’s the one who always has to have the last word (or punch) and just doesn’t know when to shut up. He’s the one who should be extremely thankful he is on the field making millions releasing testosterone because he would never be able to keep a job off the field due to the fact he doesn’t respect authority (let alone himself or others). He’s the one with the sense of entitlement…..but BOY does he have mad skills on the field!! That has to be tough on a coach.

The team has been put into place! Now, this is where the coach takes those he believed in his heart were a winning team, and does his best to UNIFY them.  During the recruiting process it “appeared” to him that these chosen ones were the best of the best for his team. The coach takes his vision to the locker room and onto the field. He pours out his time, his life, and his heart into this team. He spends countless hours imparting his deep knowledge of the game into them. In addition, the coach has to pay attention in detail to the skills of each individual player in order to help them work out plays and strategies that BEST SUIT their talent. This may come with opposition from the player who feels they are more talented in another area. But regardless, the coach sometimes will have to substitute players in order to achieve the most favorable team chemistry and success.

 The coach is only one man, and there comes a time when he needs help in the discipleship of his team! Therefore he has an Assistant Coach and the team is also broken down into Offense, Defense, and Special Teams. Each of these squads has a coach and if need be….those coaches have assistant coaches to help them as well. The Head Coach is one who knows how to delegate responsibility. And just like the scouting and recruiting of the “team” itself, the Head Coach scouts his assistant coaches in the same manner, putting them in the place where they will most benefit the team, yielding the best results.

But wait! A coach’s job doesn’t stop there! He not only has to prepare the team physically and strategically, he has to prepare them mentally. The players have to be prepared mentally for competition.  A player can have all the skills in the world, but if he isn’t prepared mentally he won’t be on his “A” game.  He will make mistake after mistake because his mind was elsewhere and his eye wasn’t on the ball (no pun intended. Hee hee).

As I was thinking about coaches tonight, I realized that coaching is a high pressure, high stress job in which there is little security. Everybody knows that the same team isn’t going to win the Super bowl every year, nor even make it to the playoffs every year. When every component of a successful team is put into place and everyone is, for the most part, on the same page, the team could very well have a winning season and hopefully contracts will be renewed and we’ll see each other next year. But, if everyone is not on the same page, talent is lacking or positioned incorrectly, authority is undermined, attitudes are wrong (the coach(es) included!!), and of course if injuries occur, the chances of the team being successful in that season decrease dramatically. A coach can only be successful if he has team players. A group of like-minded people who are going in the same direction as the vision he has for them.  When the team is winning, the coach is winning. Throughout my random Friday night football thoughts I realized that…….advancement for coaches ultimately depends upon the success of the team.  If the team wasn’t successful (which, yes it could have been from bad coaching too but that’s a whole other topic of discussion ha!)….then no matter how hard the coach tried, his best just wasn’t good enough. But, from a distance, another team had been observing the (now jobless) coach's drive, potential, knowledge, skill, hard work, and passion. You know what they say....one man's trash is another man's treasure. The coach is picked up by another team, all elements in place, and BAM! CHAMPIONS!!

We could draw a parallel between being a coach (or leader) with being a military General, the CEO of a large company, the manager of a smaller business….or being the Pastor of a church. Think back at ALL of the responsibilities of a coach that I discussed (not to mention the ones I didn’t) and now think of the pressure our Pastor's must face on a daily basis. Our Pastor is like our spiritual coach. He/she has to shepherd the flock, feed and water us, guide us, teach us, and prepare us for spiritual battle! He/she has totally dedicated their life to assisting in developing future leaders (discipleship), so that we can go into the world also and make disciples!  They are committed to God and to the church. They develop mentoring relationships as opportunities allow. They are not only active in the spiritual growth of the congregation, but in the personal and spiritual growth of the church staff and volunteers as well. They are devoted, willing, and faithful people (long term….not just when they feel like it). They work with VERY diverse groups of people. They have to vision cast, motivate, and lead. They are the ones who lay our foundation (Christ crucified) so that we can continue building our lives on that very foundation. They too, are human and cannot do it all, therefore they must delegate….and think of how sensitive to the Spirit they must be in order to put the right people in the right place within the church. They have dedicated their life to praying for YOU (the church!). They listen constantly to our aches, pains, and problems. They listen to our criticism. They lead a bunch of lost sheep. They take a chance pouring into our lives in HOPES that we will also do OUR PART to grow and to make a difference in this dark world.  I haven’t even put a dent in what our Pastor’s do on a daily basis for the kingdom of God…..but they do all that and SO much more…..while still trying to pray, worship, study, deal with their own problems, have family time and time for themselves….and more importantly, in the midst of ALL OF THAT….they have to somehow be able to drown all of us and the world out in order to be able to hear from God so they can lead the church in the direction God is wanting to take it. We have to be teachable, coach-able, and trainable. We have to educate ourselves outside of Sunday morning church. We have to be a people that lift up our men and women of God instead of tearing them down. And just like the coaches…the advancement of the church, the advancement of Christ into a dying world ultimately depends upon the success (or willingness) of the team (church body). One of the best things we can do for our (earthly) Spiritual Coaches is to pray for them. I challenge you to lift your Pastor up in prayer EVERY day. He/she pours into our lives spiritually EVERY DAY whether you know it or not….and we need to be grateful enough for them to, in turn, ask our Father to fill their spiritual cup back up ♥ 

The Blame Game....DON'T DO IT!

I have had a lot going through my mind the last few weeks! This one just happened to be impressed upon me today as I was reading Malachi.  WARNING: for those who don’t know me all that well….I sometimes am a little blunt J  Really all it is the simplicity (I’m not real deep lol) of common sense mixed with truth and passion ♥  So, read at your own risk J  I have found along the way that you learn SO MUCH MORE when you get it out of your mind that there is only ONE WAY to speak, preach, teach, write, study, learn, etc.  You know that old commercial “I’m gonna wash that gray right out of my hair!”  Well, to the same tune sing, “I’m gonna wash that religiosity right out of my mind!” Sooo, maybe not. Ha. Ok………

Malachi, the last of the Prophets in the Old Testament, was sent to the nation of Israel after they were back in the land after captivity. The people had not learned the lessons they should have from the Babylonian Captivity. They were sent into captivity as punishment for their sins, and now they were doing the same things all over again. Malachi was sent to encourage and comfort them, but to also rebuke the corruption of the priests, the neglect of God's Temple, and the personal sins of the people.

Guess what?

Just like many of God’s people today, they were sitting around the campfire having a pity party. They had the attitude that because things weren’t going “their” way, life hadn’t gone as “they” had planned, and they hadn’t accumulated all “they” felt they were entitled to, that there was absolutely no way God could even care about them, let alone love them.  BUT…the very first thing God says to them is, “I HAVE loved you.” And what is their response…”HOW have You loved us?” (…like God actually HAS to “prove”  or explain Himself).  God asks them, “Where is the honor due Me? It is you, O priests, who show contempt for My name.”  Sarcastically they respond, “How have we shown contempt for Your name?”  The sarcasm continued on and on….and so did their excuse making.

The fact of the matter, in order to justify their sins, ignore the fact that the problem was within their OWN hearts and their OWN disobedience, they did what so many people do. They blamed God.  The Israelites had turned God’s discipline into a lack of His love for them. They lived every day of their life just going through the motions (hence the Babylon mentality). In their eyes His discipline was equal to the “wrath” of God.  In their self-righteousness they cringed at the idea of being rebuked by anyone, even God. They got so caught up in their circumstances and the “poor me” mentality that they drifted out of His presence, out of relationship with Him….and blamed Him for it.

BUT, to those few who have eyes to see outside of the ring of selfishness in order to see the Savior.  To those who will cling to Him in the midst of desperate circumstances. To those who, on the worst day imaginable, will praise His name like never before. To those who will trust in Him and believe Him at His word no matter what. To those who fear the Lord….

“A book of remembrance was written before Him for those who fear the Lord and meditate on His name.”  God remembers those people.  (Mal 3:16)

“They shall be Mine. On the day I make them jewels (special possessions). I will spare them as a man spares his own son who serves him.”  He promises them a share in His grace. (Mal 3:17)

“But to you who fear My name, the Sun of Righteousness shall arise with healings in His wings; and you shall go out and grow fat like stall-fed calves (expresses great joy).”  Mal 4:2

One day we will all stand before a Holy God, and I know one thing for certain. He won’t hear one of our excuses. We excuse our way out of serving (in church and outside of church…even our spouses). We excuse our way out of giving (giving until it hurts, and for some parting with your money at all). We excuse our way out of being nice (just because you think a hateful attitude will intimidate people… it doesn’t, it just makes people not like you). We make excuses for our sins (there is no justification for sin). We blame others for our circumstances (a bad attempt at an excuse for being lazy and for neglecting personal responsibility).  We say we just “can’t” because of what happened to us in the past (which He tells us to look forward so why are we looking backwards in the first place…give us THIS DAY our DAILY bread….fresh bread, Baby, fresh bread is the goal here! lol).  And what happens is we sit around day in and day out, as Sugarland says….”now it’s poor me, why me, oh me, BORING…the same ole’ worn out blah blah story…” J   When we live in yesterday, when we reject God’s discipline, when we play the blame game, when we sit in our lethargy and dwell on all the bad stuff…...PLEASE don’t actually expect anything to change. There is absolutely NO rationale in that mindset. Contrary to the new age Church of What’s Happenin’ Now…. God is not our personal genie.  When you KNOW GOD….there is no excuse…so don’t blame Him. Not trying to minimize the pain at all, but He gave us a free will, that of which He will NEVER take away from us. That is why some people will go to heaven and some people will go to hell. He will never force anyone to accept Him. He will never force anyone to be in a covenant relationship with Him. He will never force anyone to love Him. He will never force anyone to trust Him, believe Him, or have the faith in His promises.  But because He LOVES EVERYONE….He does extend the invitation to all who will listen….but because of the free will He gave us, unfortunately there are some people who will not accept His invitation.  God gave us our VERY OWN LIFE with our very own Will free of charge…..and it’s ultimately up to US (individually) as to what we do with it.  

Praying we become a body of believer’s who won’t settle for the blame game, who will be unlike the Israelites and refuse to live a life with a Babylon mentality..... that we will be those few who will rise above our circumstances in order to not glorify ourselves, but to glorify our King. I pray we each have a endless well of His joy inside of us that will rise up and overflow into the lives of those around us, letting them taste and see that....He really IS that good ♥

Forever His ♥